Thought I might add a moderate perspective:

Amber and Johnny's To-Do's for the Next Time

Johnny: You Life is awesome. Quit messing it up!

Amber: Being nice to people pays off.

Johnny: Get off the drugs.

Amber: Being truthful is tough but worth it.

Johnny: Being wasted at your age is pathetic.

Amber: I still like you in Aquaman.

Johnny: Don't forget God gave you charisma. You didn't earn it.

Amber: Quit dating uber-famous men and find true love.

Johnny: Karma's-a-bitch when you leave your awesome, French, baby-momma.

Amber: Sue your bumbling, awesomely bad legal team.

Johnny: Your lawyers saved your ass.

Women: Thanks for seriously considering that both sexes can be domestic victims.

Twittersphere: Learn how to be respectful of all people whether you like them or not.

Gallery: No more bringing alpacas to court (although they were really cute).

Jury: Thanks for not giving either of these idiots $50+ million.

World: Thanks for seeing this trial as very important but not the only thing to live for.